it really does come, and it really does go in waves.
thanks laswell.

Fabor-Castell

We were young, okay?

If a canvas was the world, 

then it was still wrapped in its packaging 

On some shelf 

at some craft store in some random city.

The paint to which we would draw rose petals and sea waves,

Turtle shells,

And creme brûlée 

Didn't exist.

The pencil to which we would trace mountain tops and stick figures,

Bed sheets and grass blades,

Didn't even have lead,

It was still a tree.

Somewhere,

Under the sun 

at a different time,

A different ray...

Somewhere far away from you and me.

And I think back now, 

to those moments where for some reason,

I thought I knew where it was.

To those moments where I thought I could stick my index into the dirt and pick technicolor paste,

To those moments where I swore

I sharpened the pencil,

Times where each step I took was a rose petal or grass blade on our canvas.

We were young, okay?

I've been alone for a couple months now because in the end 

the canvas that I thought I had conquered was MY invisible creation inside of your frame.

A wonderful illusion,
and when you left,
I figured out that loving you was my problem

Sinatra

I used to make fun of someone who said that life was about moments.

But then there were moments.

Some were carefully calculated;

Researched.

Torn notebook pages with routes, itineraries,

can't be missed's

And we have to try's.

Pictures off of a webpage turned to dotted lines and bus stops.

Maps with destinations circled in chubby black sharpee

And lists of plan b's with alternative routes.

And then the electricity went out.

And the subway stopped midway 

Or with the buzz from the wheels on the tracks and Sinatra humming in the background

You slept through your stop and missed it by 80 blocks 

Or the 152 bus increased its price and you didn't have time to put money on the card 

Or there was so much traffic that it took you 2 and a half hours instead of the 2 that you had assumed

Or you seriously just fucked up and walked the complete opposite direction

And your alternative to turn left at the third stop sign, if you missed the second one, changed street names while you had been gone for the weekend

But when the electricity went out 

you ran into a childhood friend; 

while the subway was midway you started chatting with an old man 

who told you about his first cigarette 

And when you fell asleep to the buzz and the hum 

you dreamt of an entrancing city,

With white noise,

And people that remind you of your parents,

And flavors,

And purpose,

Or lack thereof 

And in the next moment,

Like the many that make up this wonderful life 

You came to the realization that your eyes were never closed.

Wax

Maybe you don't..

you don't really think about it anymore.

Maybe it's true that

maybe you're fine,

that maybe you have a song;

a melody that reminds you of us,

or a pair of underwear that I left behind.

But maybe that's it.

I hear from you once and a while,

But only for that.

So I assume that maybe that's it.

A text 

for a word, 

or a phrase that triggered a moment we had, 

or of something we did.

And I get it.

Like putty,

We mold;

shift, 

twist, 

stick.

Bend,

Stiffen, 

And at the flick

We fold.

But time doesn't stop for any of that.

So yea,

Maybe you have a song,

But now it has a different beat,

A different vibe,

slower, faster...

Now maybe someone else is in the passenger seat.

Tell me that this 'time' shit 

will stop this,

that all of this 

I learned something,

I grew into something,

I fell into something else

Happens to me shit..

Because every song,

Whatever the beat,

Whatever the vibe,

Wherever the seat,

Is still you, 

my love.

My song is still you.

And every track,

lyric,

Sentence,

Phrase,

And every word in the middle of every page,

reminds me of your middle name,

Of your lips on mine,

Of Tongues,

And milkshakes.. 

Of Taking turns..

And stopping time.

and fuck,

It burns.

But like sweet fire;

Tasteful, 

Powerful,

Stoic,

And sure,

It will end.

I just hope it's soon.